How to take care of your Mental, Physical and Emotional Wellbeing during an Employment Dispute.
- Anne-Marie Dolan
- 2 days ago
- 9 min read
An employment dispute can affect much more than your job. You may be worried about your income, your reputation and what will happen next. You might be losing sleep, struggling to concentrate or replaying conversations in your head. Even when you know you have been treated unfairly, dealing with meetings, allegations and formal letters can be exhausting.
Getting an experienced employment advocate on your side is an important step. An advocate can explain your options, help you respond and make sure you do not have to face the process alone. However, an advocate is only one part of your support team. They can help manage the employment problem, but you may also need emotional, practical and medical support.
Work is a major part of most people’s lives. It provides income, structure, social contact and, for many people, a sense of identity. When something goes wrong at work, you may feel that several parts of your life are under threat at once. The uncertainty can be one of the hardest parts. You may not know whether you will keep your job, how long the process will take or what your employer will say next.
Stress can affect people in different ways. You may feel angry, frightened, embarrassed, restless or unusually emotional. You might have headaches, changes in appetite, trouble sleeping or difficulty switching off. These are signs that you may need more support, not signs that you have failed.
Get employment advice early
When you are under stress, it can be difficult to separate the legal and practical issues from the emotions surrounding them. An employment advocate can help you understand:
What process your employer should follow,
Whether the concerns about you are clear and supported by evidence,
What information you should provide,
What you should avoid saying,
Whether you should attend a meeting,
Whether you may have grounds for a personal grievance,
What outcomes may be realistic, and
What deadlines apply.
Your advocate can also communicate with your employer for you. This can reduce the pressure of opening emails, preparing formal responses and dealing with repeated contact. However, try not to rely on your advocate for every type of support. Their role is to help with the employment dispute. Emotional and medical support may need to come from other people.
Tell someone you trust
Employment disputes often become harder when you try to keep everything to yourself. Choose one or two trusted people and tell them what is happening. This could be your partner, a family member, a close friend, a trusted co-worker, a union representative, or community or cultural support person. You do not need to tell everyone. In fact, repeating the story to many people can sometimes increase your stress or create problems if information reaches your workplace. Choose people who can listen without judging you or trying to take over. Let them know what would be most helpful.
You may also need practical help. A friend or family member could look after your children, prepare a meal, go for a walk with you or help you organise your documents. Small acts of support can make a big difference when your energy is low.
Be careful about workplace conversations
Talking to a trusted co-worker may help, particularly if they witnessed what happened. However, think carefully before discussing the dispute widely at work. Your employer may have asked you to keep an investigation confidential. Even where there is no formal direction, workplace gossip may make the situation worse.
Do not pressure co-workers to take your side or provide a particular version of events. If someone may be a witness, give their name to your advocate and discuss the best way to approach them.
You should also avoid posting about the dispute on Facebook, LinkedIn, TikTok or other social media. A post written while you are angry may later be shown to your employer or used as evidence.
You can ask for support without publishing details about the people or workplace involved.
Use your Employee Assistance Programme or external support services
Your employer may provide an Employee Assistance Programme, usually called EAP. EAP normally gives employees access to confidential counselling. The employer will generally pay for a set number of sessions, although the exact service will depend on the provider. An EAP counsellor may help you manage stress and anxiety, prepare emotionally for meetings, set boundaries around the dispute, talk through the effect on your family, and decide what additional support you need. You can usually contact the EAP provider directly. You may not need your manager’s permission.
Before using the service, you can ask what information will be shared with your employer. The employer may receive general information, such as the number of people using EAP, but should not normally receive the details of your counselling sessions without your agreement. EAP is not a replacement for employment advice. The counsellor can support your wellbeing, but they may not be qualified to tell you whether your employer’s process is legally fair.
Some employers (particularly smaller businesses) will not offer EAP. If this service is not available to you, there are other free counselling services that may be helpful.
Need to Talk - free call or text 234 to speak with a trained counsellor
Tend Mental Wellness - free 30 minute video consults - Tend.nz
Gumboot Friday - free sessions for anyone aged under 25 - Gumboot Friday
Purpura Whetu - free Kaupapa Maori mental health, social and helpline support - Purapura Whetu
Talk to your doctor
If the dispute is affecting your physical or mental health, make an appointment with your doctor or other appropriate health professional. Tell them what has been happening and how it is affecting you. Be specific. For example:
You are sleeping only a few hours each night,
You are having panic attacks before work,
You cannot concentrate,
You are crying frequently,
You are experiencing headaches or stomach problems,
You are using alcohol or other substances to cope, or
You feel unsafe or unable to continue working.
Your doctor can assess your health and discuss treatment or further support. If you are not fit for work, they may provide a medical certificate. A medical certificate does not automatically decide the employment dispute. However, it may show your employer that there is a genuine health issue that needs to be considered.
Give the certificate to your employer promptly, but think carefully before providing detailed medical records. An employer may need enough information to understand your fitness for work and any changes you need. That does not always mean they are entitled to your entire medical history. Speak to your advocate if your employer asks for more medical information than you are comfortable providing.
If your health is being affected, there may be practical steps your employer can take while the dispute is being addressed. Depending on the situation, you could ask for:
Meetings to be held by video,
Extra time to prepare a response,
A short break during a long meeting,
Contact to go through your advocate,
A different contact person,
Temporary changes to duties,
Time away from a person you have complained about,
Work-from-home arrangements,
A different meeting location, or
A support person at meetings.
Your employer does not have to agree to every request. However, employers have health and safety duties and must act in good faith. They should genuinely consider reasonable steps that could reduce harm. Ask for changes in writing and explain why they would help. Your advocate can make the request for you if direct contact is causing stress.
Set limits around the dispute
An employment dispute can take over every part of your day if you let it. You may find yourself checking your email repeatedly, reading the same letter late at night or thinking about possible outcomes whenever you are alone. Try setting a specific time to work on the dispute. For example, you might review documents between 4 pm and 5 pm, then stop for the day.
You could also turn off work email notifications at night, ask your advocate when a response is actually required, keep employment documents in one folder, write questions down instead of searching for answers at midnight, and ask a trusted person to sit with you while you read difficult correspondence. You do not have to respond to every email immediately. Take enough time to understand what has been said and get advice before replying.
Keep a simple routine
During a dispute, basic routines can easily fall apart. You may skip meals, stop exercising or stay awake trying to prepare the perfect response. Try to keep the basics steady. Eat regular meals and make sure you are drinking enough water. Keep a regular sleep and wake time as much as you can and try to go outside each day. Continue with normal activities that have nothing to do with work - sports activities, book clubs, coffee with friends etc. Try to limit alcohol and other substances, and take prescribed medication only as directed. Spend time with people who help you feel safe.
These steps will not solve the employment problem. They can, however, give your body and mind a better chance to manage it. Do not expect yourself to do everything perfectly. A short walk, a proper meal or one evening without checking your email is still useful.
Keep records without constantly reliving events
Good records can be important in an employment dispute. Store copies of correspondence and notes somewhere you can still access if you lose access to your work account. Do not take confidential business material that is unrelated to your dispute. Once you have recorded an event, try to put it aside. You do not need to rewrite your timeline every day or repeatedly review upsetting messages. Your advocate can help you identify what evidence is useful and what is unlikely to matter.
Focus on what you can control
You cannot control every part of an employment dispute. You cannot control how quickly your employer replies, what witnesses say or whether your manager accepts your explanation. You can control whether you obtain advice and when, how you communicate with your employer, what evidence you keep, who you ask for support and how you care for your health.
Try not to resign in the heat of the moment. Resignation can affect your legal options and your income. If you feel that you cannot return to work, speak to your doctor and advocate before making a final decision.
Remember that the dispute is not your whole life
Employment disputes can make people question their abilities and worth. An allegation is not the same as a proven fact. A poor relationship with one manager does not define your career. Losing a job does not mean you have failed as a person.
There may be difficult decisions ahead, but you do not have to make them alone. With the right employment advice, personal support and health care, you can work through the immediate problem while also protecting your longer-term wellbeing.
FAQs
Should I tell my family about my employment dispute?
It is usually helpful to tell at least one trusted person. Explain whether you want advice, practical help or simply someone to listen. Avoid sharing confidential workplace information more widely than necessary.
Can I use EAP for a workplace dispute?
Yes. EAP counsellors often support employees experiencing workplace conflict, disciplinary processes, bullying, redundancy or stress. EAP can support your wellbeing, but you should get separate employment advice about your rights.
Will my employer know what I tell an EAP counsellor?
EAP sessions are generally confidential. However, ask the provider to explain its privacy rules and any exceptions before the session begins.
Should I see my doctor about workplace stress?
See a doctor or suitable health professional if stress is affecting your sleep, mood, concentration, relationships, physical health or ability to work. Seek help early rather than waiting for the situation to become severe.
Can my doctor tell my employer that I need time off?
Your doctor may provide a medical certificate stating that you are not fit for work or can work only with certain restrictions. Talk to your advocate before releasing detailed medical information.
Can I take a support person to a disciplinary meeting?
You should usually be given a reasonable opportunity to obtain advice and have a representative or support person present. An advocate can actively represent your interests. A support person may mainly provide emotional and practical support.
Should I speak directly to my employer if I have an advocate?
Discuss this with your advocate. It may be better for formal communication to go through them, particularly if direct contact is causing distress or there is a risk of misunderstanding.
Should I resign if the dispute is affecting my health?
Do not resign without getting advice. Resignation can affect your income and legal position. Speak to your doctor about your health and to an employment advocate about your options.
What if I cannot afford employment help?
Mathews Walker assists eligible employees on a No Win, No Fee basis. This may allow you to get an advocate on your side without paying legal costs upfront.
When should I get urgent emotional support?
Seek urgent help if you feel unable to keep yourself or another person safe, or if your distress is becoming unmanageable. Contact emergency services, attend an emergency department or use an official New Zealand crisis-support service.
Mathews Walker prides themselves on providing empathetic care alongside their legal expertise and advice, and the feedback from our clients shows how valuable that can be in a stressful employment dispute. If you have an employment issue and are looking for support from an advocate who takes the time to understand you and your situation, get in touch today for a free consultation.
MathewsWalker.co.nz | Employment Problems Solved | 0800 612 355
Disclaimer: The information provided in this blog is for general informational purposes only and should not be considered legal advice. While we strive to keep the information accurate and up to date, we make no representations or warranties of any kind, express or implied, about the completeness, accuracy, reliability, suitability, or availability with respect to the blog or the information, products, services, or related graphics contained on the blog for any purpose. Any reliance you place on such information is therefore strictly at your own risk. For specific legal advice tailored to your situation, please contact a qualified legal professional.
Comments